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Archive for June, 2009
How many times a day do you suppose you say “I want (something)?”
Looking into a future time and imagining that we have something different than we have now is something we do almost without thought. It’s very much ingrained in our training, and in our culture. (How would advertisers ever sell anything if they didn’t convince us to want something we don’t already have?)
We all know the pitfall of that line of thinking, and yet, it’s very difficult to get away from.
I mean, really, look at all the cool stuff that’s out there ~ all the stuff that makes our lives easier, or makes us feel better…I could write a book about that - but that’s really off the point.
The point is - what you say day in and day out, you hear ~ and ultimately believe.
So, when you say “I want…”, you hear “I don’t have…”
That’s why most of the affirmation gurus all tell us to stop saying “I want…”, and start saying “I have…”.
Good advice. Here’s the thing, though. When I say I have something that clearly I don’t, my internal editor jumps up before I can move on, and says, “No, you don’t!” I suppose if I did this often enough, for a long enough time, I could convince myself it was true ~ maybe. I’m pretty practical, though, and “faking it until I make it” really takes a lot of effort for me.
And, another thing: if someone else is listening when I say I have it - well, we don’t want to go there 
SO…
I found a solution ~ ~ a way to stop saying “I want…” without lying to myself (and without getting those funny looks.)
I simply substitute, “I prefer…”
Let that sink in for a moment. Think of something that you don’t have yet, and say it… “I prefer a new . . .”
Doesn’t that feel better? There’s no lack there. In fact, the message I get from it is, “I’m ok with what I have. I’d prefer something else, if anyone’s listening.”
Certainly does change my perspective! How about you?
What do you prefer? Give it a try, and Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Perspective, Preference
Happy Tuesday !
When you read the title above, did you automatically fill in the blank? Do you remember the story of the Little Engine that overcomes a seemingly impossible task while repeating “I think I can, I think I can?”
I have to admit, I had forgotten all about the Little Engine until I ran into a “grown up” version of the moral of that story the other day. I was cleaning out old post-it notes that I had tucked under my computer keyboard when I stumbled across one of my favorite sayings – “If you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right !”
When I first heard that saying many years ago, the cleverness of it struck me, and sparked my curiosity. Now, years and many lessons later, when I came across that post-it note, I smiled and remembered the Little Engine and his mantra, “I think I can….I think I can…”
How about you? Do you think you can? Or, when faced with a challenge, is your first thought “I can’t!” Are you aware of what you are telling yourself inside your head?
Well, one way to figure out what is going on inside your head, it to listen more closely to what you are thinking and saying.
So, are you ready and willing to do a little experiment today to increase your awareness of the power of the words can and can’t?
OK! First, fill in the blank in the following sentence with the first thing that comes to your mind.
“I CAN’T _______________.” (No editing – just write down the first thing you think of.)
Now, sit for a minute with how that feels.
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Now take whatever you wrote in the blank above and plug it into the following sentence.
“I THINK I CAN __________.” Now repeat this outloud to yourself (quietly works just fine) at least three times.
“I THINK I CAN _________. I THINK I CAN ________. I THINK I CAN ______!
Now, how does that feel? Do you feel lighter? Do you feel possibilities starting to come to you? Do you feel the beginnings of a smile on your face?
Remember, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right! So why not go with CAN?
You might as well go with the option that opens up possibilities and comes with a smile…..
Just Imagine That !
Tags: Awareness, Awareness Exercise
Words are one of the most powerful tools we have in interacting with other people.
We can make someone’s day brighter by giving them a sincere compliment. Or crush them with unkind words. This is an inherent power that we use whether we’re consciously aware of it or not.
And, at least sometimes, we all use language purposefully. During interactions that are important to us, we are usually very deliberate about the words we choose – doing our best to convey just the thought and feeling that we intend.
In our marketing and sales communications, for example, we often labor over just the right words for some time.
Much of our casual communication, though, is more spontaneous, and comes more from habit than careful thought.
You may think that this is not a big deal. You say the things you say, and other people will interpret them however they will.
That’s true.
When you speak, though, there are always two people who hear you, and two people who get a message from your words. The person you are talking to, and YOU.
And you hear yourself much more often than anyone else does.
Have you ever “talked yourself into” feeling something simply by saying it over and over? I know I have.
This week we’re going to explore how your language reflects your inner thoughts, and give you some examples of ways you can make small changes in your daily communications that can open possibilities and change your perspective.
Here’s a simple one:
When someone invites you to do something and you decide to decline, what do you say first?
Most people respond with some version of “no”, usually followed by “thanks.”
What happens if you simply reverse the order of your words – expressing your gratitude for the invitation before turning it down? It’s a small thing that can have a big effect on how your words are perceived. And, it reminds you that you are grateful for their thought!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Awareness Exercise, Possibility, Possibility Exercise
If I were to ask you to list the qualities that make a really solid personal relationship, I’ll bet you could do that in a heartbeat. You’d probably start the list with things like trust, respect, empathy, communication, integrity, understanding, listening, etc.
I wonder if those same words would be at the top of your list for a good business relationship. . .
Ask any successful sales person, and they will tell you that business relationships are built on exactly the same principles as personal ones ~ trust, respect, etc.
And if you are meeting face to face with your clients on a regular basis, establishing those things is pretty easy to do, because you have business relationship with them that is based on personal interaction.
What about the relationships you have - or want to have - with people you will never meet? How do you develop that level of trust with them? How do you convey to them that you are listening, you do understand, and you do respect them?
Not quite as easy.
Perhaps a little imagination is in order.
First, and foremost, make sure that you really feel those things towards your clients. Insincerity will almost always come through when you are communicating through one-way communications (like advertising, marketing, websites, etc.)
It’s easy to focus on telling your story - what you have to offer, it’s benefits, how to use it, etc. It takes a bit more creativity to build the perception of listening, mutual respect, and empathy into these types of communications. Yet, it is being done.
Are you ready to do a little research to see how some companies are doing this successfully?
OK –
Think about a business relationship you have where you are the client/customer, and you don’t personally know the person or company you are purchasing from. Pick one where you really like doing business with this company.
What do they do that inspires and maintains your trust? Why do you like doing business with them? How did they initially convince you that this relationship would be a win-win - before they had a track record with you? What was it that made you pick them over a competitor?
Jot down a few notes…and then let’s jump to the other side of the fence.
Can you take this experience, add some imaginative touches, change it up to match your business, and use it to attract new clients and build relationships with them?
Sometimes personal experience is a great teacher.
Just Imagine That!
Not long ago I was talking with a friend of mine that works for a company that is currently going through an exercise that has become fairly standard operating procedure today: management is trying to figure out how to trim operating costs while still producing the same quality product and delivering even better customer service. (Sound familiar?)
To help with this analysis, all employees were asked to complete two short questions.
Question 1 – List five people in the company with whom you interact the most.
Question 2 - List five people in the company who you feel are most important to your ability to do your job well.
On the surface, this doesn’t sound like too hard of an assignment. Relatively straightforward and simple to complete.
Actually the only reason my friend brought it up was because she was surprised that her two lists were so different.
This sparked my curiosity and got me thinking. And I filled out my two lists about a corporate position I held a while back.
How about you? Wonder what your two lists would look like?
Well, why don’t you take a minute and answer the two questions.
(I’ll wait right here!)
So, what did you find out? Do your lists overlap or are they different? Were you surprised?
Whether you were surprised or not, why is this significant?
Well, in the context of doing business, we encounter a wide variety of types of relationships - clients, team members, support people, assistants and bosses. And we can classify them in many different ways – frequency of interaction, significance, direct, indirect, involved or peripheral. But they all have something in common.
They are all relationships. And relationships are maintained and strengthened when they are acknowledged and when something of similar perceived value is exchanged.
So, if you were to take one simple step today to acknowledge and nurture the relationships on your lists, what would you do? How can you show people you have a business relationship with that you value them?
How about giving this a try to see how it works for you: Pick one person from your second list that surprised you or that took a little longer to pin point. At some point today, stop by their office or desk, or give them a call, and tell them thank you for making it easier for you to do your job well. Don’t worry about telling them how they do that….just tell them thank you.
A genuine thank you is always a good start!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness Exercise, Business Relationships, Relationship Exercise
Everything in life – and business – is ultimately about relationships. We have lots and lots of them, some close, some distant, some strong, some tentative, etc, etc.
It’s therefore a huge subject, and not one to be fully explored in a few blogs. I came face to face with an experience last week that made me think of relationship as it relates to building a business. And this brought me to some very interesting observations.
First, a quick summary of the event that spurred this train of thought:
I was invited to join another social networking site by a friend. I get these often, and have made it a practice to focus my efforts on only a few networks, so to get the most from them, without spending my whole day in the process.
For some reason, and a bit reluctantly, I accepted this particular invitation. I signed up. Easy, simple process. So far, so good. The moment I arrived at the front page of the site, I was immediately asked to upgrade…and recommend everyone I know. (They talked about inviting hundreds of people.)
Now, I don’t recommend things I don’t find useful myself, so I started looking around the site, adding some information, seeing what they offer, etc.
Every page I visited shouted at me: UPGRADE!! INVITE PEOPLE!! And, without much searching I discovered that these two things are necessary to access the functions of the site I might be interested in.
After leaving the site (and not planning to return), I started thinking about why I decided in very short order that this is not for me.
Over the course of the next few days, it took me a bit of searching to figure out was behind my negative reaction, and what I could learn from that. (And one of the reasons it kept coming up was the 10 or so emails I received from this site every day!)
I won’t bore you with my process (sometimes I “percolate” things for a long time before the coffee is ready to drink) – just the realizations that came from it:
This company is attempting to create a business relationship with me – they want me to be a client.
Before I enter into a new relationship, I evaluate my new partner:
- What do they have to offer that I value?
- What do they want in return?
- Is it a fair exchange (are the two values roughly equal)?
- Do they seem truly intent on providing value for me, or is it just about them?
This last question is where this new potential relationship fell down. Almost all of their communications center around what I can do for them.
OK, I understand business models, and totally appreciate that the owners of this site are not doing it just for fun. I have to wonder, though, if this is the best way to court a new relationship partner.
All of this led me to a deeper understanding of business relationships – how to start them, how to build them, how to make them strong…and we’ll explore those areas this week in our blog.
Tune in each day this week for some insights and creative ideas you may be able to use.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Imagination, Perspective, Possibility, Relationship
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