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Archive for category Perspective Fuel
Let’s talk a bit more about stories today, and how they can keep us from moving forward.
Think about your average day. It’s probably filled to the brim with lots of activities.
Most of these activities, while necessary, are not, in themselves, extremely valuable in the long term. They are the small steps that all contribute to the vision that you have for your future.
Take this blog post, for example. It’s on my list of things to do today. In and of itself, I rank it’s value as pretty small. It’s primary value, at least to me, is that its a small contribution to the body of work that I am creating to accomplish my big goals. And, my day will be filled with similar activities.
At the end of the day, all the activities I’ve done will have moved me a bit further towards my goals.
Another way to look at it is that all of the activities I have done in the past have resulted in where I am and what I have achieved as of today.
Stories are much like that. They are really just the details of life. They are comprised of many small things that continue to fill our days, and the result is who we are today.
Here’s my point.
When I allow myself to be totally focused on the activities and the story (the details), of each day, I can very easily lose sight of my big goals - the reason I’m doing the activities in the first place. In the past, I have done just that (more than once), with the result that I seemed to be moving very quickly in a big circle. Which, of course, wasn’t getting me where I wanted to go very fast.
What I have learned from that is this: The activities are important. (Dreams without action don’t usually produce the results I want.)
Their importance, however, just like my story, lies in the moment of doing them, or experiencing them. Once they are past, they are only important in the results they bring, the lessons they teach, and their contribution to the whole.
The way I have learned to keep this perspective is two-fold ~ and I do this most days.
First, I let go of my story from yesterday. I write down all the parts of it that I’m still thinking about. (See Just Dump It! for more detail on this.) This helps me to let them go.
Then, I spend a little time reflecting on what I learned from yesterday, how it contributed to the overall goal, and what’s important for me to remember. I write that down as well.
So, by letting go of the details - we can make mental space and time for the important stuff - like making progress. . .
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Perspective
Yesterday we talked about how sometimes our longstanding beliefs can become limiting, and how they can keep us from what we want now.
One way to challenge those beliefs, and perhaps begin to change them is to re-frame how we express them - to others and to ourselves.
We can change “I’m not good at math” to “Until recently I wasn’t good at math” or “In the past I wasn’t good at math.”
That may seem superficial at first glance, until you remember where your beliefs came from, and how they became so strong - through constant repetition and re-inforcement over time. You’ve probably said that and thought that many, many times. And with each repetition, it became a stronger belief.
It makes sense then, that if you start saying it in a new way, eventually you can actually change the limiting belief.
It can take time for you to actually believe it, however, especially if it’s deeply ingrained.
So, here’s another thing you can do to perhaps speed up the process.
Think of an example of a belief that is holding you back from something you want, and try this simple exercise:
| “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford |
Go into your imagination, without trying to change the belief, and ask yourself, What if that wasn’t true? How would that change things? What possibilities would that open up?
Spend a few quiet moments with this possibility, and write down whatever comes to you.
Are the rewards of changing that belief big enough for you to really want to change it? Can you find strong enough reasons to make you choose to change it?
Remember, what you believe is your choice. Even if they were acquired long ago, and without a conscious decision on your part, your beliefs are what you choose them to be.
And you can make another choice! It’s up to you!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Imagination Exercise, Perspective, Preference
One of the most popular myths we hold about buisness is that competitors are the enemy, and that marketing is a battle with them ~ one that we must win in order to be successful.
Traditional marketing is full of techniques to do just that.
That view is based on the belief that there aren’t enough clients to go around, and that we must be the biggest and best in our field.
After all, we’re taught from early childhood that being number one is all that matters. There’s no glory in second place. That’s a whole other subject, but it does explain why we have the mindset around competitors.
We have a bit different perspective, however. And it serves just as well, if not better, in creating success in your business.
We view others who offer competitive products and services as our partners. And mentors. And marketing people. And research associates. And we love them for all the help they provide.
That sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it? After all, we are competing for the same clients.
So, how does that work for us?
Obviously, we watch what they do to see what works and what doesn’t. That’s just common sense.
We take it a bit further, though. We actually applaud them for the marketing they do, and the presence they create, because they’re saving us a lot of time and money.
How so? They are out there educating our future clients on the features and benefits of what we offer. They are actually laying the groundwork for us!
Here’s the perfect example of this: When I became a Web developer in 1995, I was among the first wave. I learned the skills, and understood the potential of this new medium. And for the first 6 to 7 years, I spent most of my time educating potential clients about what I was offering. It was quite a relief me when so many others entered the field and began doing the educating for me! It allowed me to finally focus on doing what I started out to do.
To this day, I am thankful for all the competition, and my business has continued to thrive through all the ups and downs as the Web has grown and matured.
As more and more people entered the field, I was challenged to be creative in making myself stand out from the crowd, to learn new skills, and to grow in all ways.
I may look like just another Web developer to you, and certainly there are many who are more skilled, have more resources and knowledge. Yet I continue to be successful - and to grow.
I attribute much of my success to the beliefs that I hold about competition:
- there are enough clients out there for everyone
- my competitors’ success is good for me and them
- as long as I focus on providing service to the best of my ability, I will be successful
Take a new look at your competitors - view them as partners - and see how that fuels your success!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Imagination, Perspective
On Tuesday we talked about substituting “I want…” with “I prefer…” and how that can change the energy around how you feel about what you’d like to have.
And that’s really good for your internal conversations, and in many other applications. In daily practice, though, sometimes it can be a bit awkward for conversations with others. Not everyone will immediately understand your meaning when you put it that way.
For example, if you see a new car that you’d like to have, and you say to your friend, “I prefer that one.” Sounds just a bit strange from the outside, doesn’t it?
So what do we do, go back to “I want that one?”
Well, I’d prefer not to, because it seems to keep me in a place of wanting - and what I’m telling myself is that I don’t have it - I’m lacking something.
So, here’s another substitute that works in conversation, without the negative side:
“I’d love to have that.”
Go ahead, let that sink in for a moment.
Think about something you “want”, and say, “I’d love that.” “I’d love to go to the beach this summer.” “I’d love to be driving that car.”
Now, here’s a bonus feature that comes standard with this substitution: You can also use it when you’re asking someone else for something…
Think about the difference between: “I want you to help me” ~ and ~ “I’d love it if you helped me.”
Hmmm.
Feels better to me, and to the other person. Try it for a day, and see what you think. Could change any number of things, for you and those you talk to.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Awareness Exercise, Perspective, Relationship
Yesterday Diana gave you some great tips on changing your perspective from wanting something to preferring something. And that felt pretty good, didn’t it? Amazing how substituting one word for another can make a real difference.
Are you ready to look at another simple change in the way you say things that will make your words and energy line up to get the results you prefer?
First, think of something you would like to do today. Pick something that is not an absolute “must,” but something you would like to do.
Now, fill in this blank with that something:
“Today I will try to _______________________.”
Take a breath and notice how that feels. Do you feel committed to doing it? Do you feel optimistic you will do it? Do you feel solid, wishy washy, undecided, empowered, on the fence? Do you feel a combination of these things, all at the same time?
In my experience, when I say I will “try” to do something, I feel the same kind of energy that I do when I say “maybe.” I am thinking about doing something and I don’t yet have both my feet on the “I really prefer to do this” side of my decision line.
I have also discovered that I use “try” to give myself an “out” because I am afraid that I really won’t be able to make what I prefer to have happen actually happen. And sometimes when “try” pops out of my mouth, it let’s me know that what I think I want to do and what I truly prefer to do are not matching up.
Wow…what a powerful little word “try” is! By using it to help sort out our preferences and set our priorities, it narrows down how we use our time and energy to create results that really matter to us. And once we are clear on those, our “inner mental organizer” gets busy working on ways to make what we prefer happen.
And, when you use “try” to help you get clearer on what you prefer, you can more easily line up your energy with the words you say. Here’s a substitute for “try” that helps me do that:
“Today I will do my best to __________________.”
Go ahead and fill in the blank with the “to do” you used above.
Now, how does that feel? Is it still a real preference? If it is, does it feel more possible? More likely to happen? Easier to do? Like a path has been cleared?
Let’s take this one step further.
Throughout your day, notice when you use the word “try” and then restate the statement or thought with “Today I will do my best to__________.” See if you feel good and get better results when you say this. If you do, add it to your toolbox!
One more really cool thing…by saying you will do your best, you make being your best and doing your best a bigger part of who you are.
And no matter what, your best is always, always more than good enough.
Just Imagine That !
How many times a day do you suppose you say “I want (something)?”
Looking into a future time and imagining that we have something different than we have now is something we do almost without thought. It’s very much ingrained in our training, and in our culture. (How would advertisers ever sell anything if they didn’t convince us to want something we don’t already have?)
We all know the pitfall of that line of thinking, and yet, it’s very difficult to get away from.
I mean, really, look at all the cool stuff that’s out there ~ all the stuff that makes our lives easier, or makes us feel better…I could write a book about that - but that’s really off the point.
The point is - what you say day in and day out, you hear ~ and ultimately believe.
So, when you say “I want…”, you hear “I don’t have…”
That’s why most of the affirmation gurus all tell us to stop saying “I want…”, and start saying “I have…”.
Good advice. Here’s the thing, though. When I say I have something that clearly I don’t, my internal editor jumps up before I can move on, and says, “No, you don’t!” I suppose if I did this often enough, for a long enough time, I could convince myself it was true ~ maybe. I’m pretty practical, though, and “faking it until I make it” really takes a lot of effort for me.
And, another thing: if someone else is listening when I say I have it - well, we don’t want to go there 
SO…
I found a solution ~ ~ a way to stop saying “I want…” without lying to myself (and without getting those funny looks.)
I simply substitute, “I prefer…”
Let that sink in for a moment. Think of something that you don’t have yet, and say it… “I prefer a new . . .”
Doesn’t that feel better? There’s no lack there. In fact, the message I get from it is, “I’m ok with what I have. I’d prefer something else, if anyone’s listening.”
Certainly does change my perspective! How about you?
What do you prefer? Give it a try, and Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Perspective, Preference
When faced with making a decision, there are usually three choices we think we have: YES. NO. MAYBE.
Oddly, YES and NO have a lot in common. Both are definitive and indicate the decision-making process is over. YES opens a door, while NO closes one. Either way, you have eliminated possibilities and made a decision. No need for creativity or imagination…the decision has been made.
MAYBE is a bit more open to possibility. Unless you are just using it to be polite, MAYBE usually means you are still sorting out the pros and cons of one thing compared to another. Yet, ultimately the decision you feel you need to make is YES or NO. When the choice is finally made, your creativity and imagination are no longer needed for this particular issue.
But what if there is another choice you can make that actually creates possibilities? What if there is another answer that doesn’t force you to decide in favor of one thing and against another? What if there is a choice that supports creative thinking?
Is that even possible?
Yes, it is.
And that choice option is ……AND and BOTH.
What? That doesn’t sound like a choice!
Hold on a minute and let me give you an example of what using AND and BOTH as a choice looks like.
Fifteen years after I graduated from college, I decided I wanted to get a Masters Degree. At the time, I was single, 10 years into a career and 100% responsible for my livelihood. When I applied to graduate school, I was advised that I would not be able to meet some of the time requirements of the program unless I quit my job.
I really wanted that degree, and I did not want to give up my career/job and tube my finances in order to get it. My choices seemed to be to choose my career or go for the degree. Neither solution appealed to me.
I was stuck there until I chose AND and BOTH. When I did, I figured out a way to keep my job, career and finances intact AND also get my degree!
Putting my creativity and imagination to work, I opened up the possibility, and found a way to do it. When I graduated, I was still employed with the same company and in good shape financially. All because I was willing to make my decision AND and BOTH.
So, are you willing to give AND and BOTH a try? Here we go…
Think of decision you want to make but you have not yet been able to come up with a clear YES or NO. (Hint: Take a look at your MAYBE list and pick something that has been on it for a while.)
Now, summarize the issue into its two opposing options (i.e. I can do this or I can do that.)
Read over the issue and the two choices and then say, “How about AND and BOTH?”
Then let your imagination go to work, and see if you can come up with a possible solution you haven’t thought of before.
You just may be able to have your cake…and eat it, too!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Perspective, Possibility, Possibility Exercise
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