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Archive for category Preference Fuel
Yesterday we talked about how sometimes our longstanding beliefs can become limiting, and how they can keep us from what we want now.
One way to challenge those beliefs, and perhaps begin to change them is to re-frame how we express them - to others and to ourselves.
We can change “I’m not good at math” to “Until recently I wasn’t good at math” or “In the past I wasn’t good at math.”
That may seem superficial at first glance, until you remember where your beliefs came from, and how they became so strong - through constant repetition and re-inforcement over time. You’ve probably said that and thought that many, many times. And with each repetition, it became a stronger belief.
It makes sense then, that if you start saying it in a new way, eventually you can actually change the limiting belief.
It can take time for you to actually believe it, however, especially if it’s deeply ingrained.
So, here’s another thing you can do to perhaps speed up the process.
Think of an example of a belief that is holding you back from something you want, and try this simple exercise:
| “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford |
Go into your imagination, without trying to change the belief, and ask yourself, What if that wasn’t true? How would that change things? What possibilities would that open up?
Spend a few quiet moments with this possibility, and write down whatever comes to you.
Are the rewards of changing that belief big enough for you to really want to change it? Can you find strong enough reasons to make you choose to change it?
Remember, what you believe is your choice. Even if they were acquired long ago, and without a conscious decision on your part, your beliefs are what you choose them to be.
And you can make another choice! It’s up to you!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Imagination Exercise, Perspective, Preference
On Tuesday we talked about substituting “I want…” with “I prefer…” and how that can change the energy around how you feel about what you’d like to have.
And that’s really good for your internal conversations, and in many other applications. In daily practice, though, sometimes it can be a bit awkward for conversations with others. Not everyone will immediately understand your meaning when you put it that way.
For example, if you see a new car that you’d like to have, and you say to your friend, “I prefer that one.” Sounds just a bit strange from the outside, doesn’t it?
So what do we do, go back to “I want that one?”
Well, I’d prefer not to, because it seems to keep me in a place of wanting - and what I’m telling myself is that I don’t have it - I’m lacking something.
So, here’s another substitute that works in conversation, without the negative side:
“I’d love to have that.”
Go ahead, let that sink in for a moment.
Think about something you “want”, and say, “I’d love that.” “I’d love to go to the beach this summer.” “I’d love to be driving that car.”
Now, here’s a bonus feature that comes standard with this substitution: You can also use it when you’re asking someone else for something…
Think about the difference between: “I want you to help me” ~ and ~ “I’d love it if you helped me.”
Hmmm.
Feels better to me, and to the other person. Try it for a day, and see what you think. Could change any number of things, for you and those you talk to.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Awareness Exercise, Perspective, Relationship
Yesterday Diana gave you some great tips on changing your perspective from wanting something to preferring something. And that felt pretty good, didn’t it? Amazing how substituting one word for another can make a real difference.
Are you ready to look at another simple change in the way you say things that will make your words and energy line up to get the results you prefer?
First, think of something you would like to do today. Pick something that is not an absolute “must,” but something you would like to do.
Now, fill in this blank with that something:
“Today I will try to _______________________.”
Take a breath and notice how that feels. Do you feel committed to doing it? Do you feel optimistic you will do it? Do you feel solid, wishy washy, undecided, empowered, on the fence? Do you feel a combination of these things, all at the same time?
In my experience, when I say I will “try” to do something, I feel the same kind of energy that I do when I say “maybe.” I am thinking about doing something and I don’t yet have both my feet on the “I really prefer to do this” side of my decision line.
I have also discovered that I use “try” to give myself an “out” because I am afraid that I really won’t be able to make what I prefer to have happen actually happen. And sometimes when “try” pops out of my mouth, it let’s me know that what I think I want to do and what I truly prefer to do are not matching up.
Wow…what a powerful little word “try” is! By using it to help sort out our preferences and set our priorities, it narrows down how we use our time and energy to create results that really matter to us. And once we are clear on those, our “inner mental organizer” gets busy working on ways to make what we prefer happen.
And, when you use “try” to help you get clearer on what you prefer, you can more easily line up your energy with the words you say. Here’s a substitute for “try” that helps me do that:
“Today I will do my best to __________________.”
Go ahead and fill in the blank with the “to do” you used above.
Now, how does that feel? Is it still a real preference? If it is, does it feel more possible? More likely to happen? Easier to do? Like a path has been cleared?
Let’s take this one step further.
Throughout your day, notice when you use the word “try” and then restate the statement or thought with “Today I will do my best to__________.” See if you feel good and get better results when you say this. If you do, add it to your toolbox!
One more really cool thing…by saying you will do your best, you make being your best and doing your best a bigger part of who you are.
And no matter what, your best is always, always more than good enough.
Just Imagine That !
How many times a day do you suppose you say “I want (something)?”
Looking into a future time and imagining that we have something different than we have now is something we do almost without thought. It’s very much ingrained in our training, and in our culture. (How would advertisers ever sell anything if they didn’t convince us to want something we don’t already have?)
We all know the pitfall of that line of thinking, and yet, it’s very difficult to get away from.
I mean, really, look at all the cool stuff that’s out there ~ all the stuff that makes our lives easier, or makes us feel better…I could write a book about that - but that’s really off the point.
The point is - what you say day in and day out, you hear ~ and ultimately believe.
So, when you say “I want…”, you hear “I don’t have…”
That’s why most of the affirmation gurus all tell us to stop saying “I want…”, and start saying “I have…”.
Good advice. Here’s the thing, though. When I say I have something that clearly I don’t, my internal editor jumps up before I can move on, and says, “No, you don’t!” I suppose if I did this often enough, for a long enough time, I could convince myself it was true ~ maybe. I’m pretty practical, though, and “faking it until I make it” really takes a lot of effort for me.
And, another thing: if someone else is listening when I say I have it - well, we don’t want to go there 
SO…
I found a solution ~ ~ a way to stop saying “I want…” without lying to myself (and without getting those funny looks.)
I simply substitute, “I prefer…”
Let that sink in for a moment. Think of something that you don’t have yet, and say it… “I prefer a new . . .”
Doesn’t that feel better? There’s no lack there. In fact, the message I get from it is, “I’m ok with what I have. I’d prefer something else, if anyone’s listening.”
Certainly does change my perspective! How about you?
What do you prefer? Give it a try, and Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Perspective, Preference
A number of years ago I was at some friend’s house for dinner. Their 4 year old boy was running at top speed across the back yard when he stumbled over a rock and went down hard. I watched in amazement as he picked himself up, looked back at the rock, and quietly said to himself, “I won’t do that again.” Then he trotted off to play with his brother.
What incredible wisdom was captured in that moment! No blame, no regret, no feeling sorry for himself – just acceptance, learning from the experience and moving on.
Just think of all the energy we spend trying to fix blame, or being angry or upset, or just talking about the “bad things that happened to me.”
How much happier would we be if we could channel that energy into something productive when an obstacle shows up?
For most of us, it takes practice, because we have developed the habit of labeling things as good and bad, and reacting accordingly. We say “YES” to the good ones, and “NO” to the bad. And the “NO” doesn’t really get us anywhere.
Over the past few years I’ve developed habits that help me use my energy more efficiently. These (almost always) work for me:
First, and most important, I accept whatever it is. If I can change it, I do. If not, I don’t waste emotional energy on anything that resembles resistance. (Why me? Not again! Why now? Oh, no! etc.)
Secondly, I look at the situation, and ask myself, could this be “a blessing in disguise?” Quite often, it is. If I step back from the emotional response of not wanting this, I can usually see some gift that came along for the ride – something I can turn into a positive.
At the very least, I can look at it as a learning experience, figure out what the lesson is – and add that experience to the list of things I don’t prefer. That gives me a much clearer perspective on what I DO prefer!
The result is quite amazing when you first begin to do this on a regular basis. Not only does it make you feel much better, it also seems to lessen the number and severity of obstacles!
Perhaps that part (fewer obstacles) is “all in my head”, but that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that I feel much better, and I’m much more productive.
Just Imagine That!
Contrast is a term we’ve borrowed from Jerry and Esther Hicks (www.abraham-hicks.com) to describe all the wonderful diversity in our lives. The things we welcome and label as “good”, and the other things that seem (at least at first glance) unwanted.
An unexpected check in the mail and an unexpected bill…this is contrast.
One of our age old questions – paraphrased – goes something like this: Why can’t it all be good news?
If you think about that very deeply, you realize why contrast exists. It serves us in a number of ways.
First of all, if we never saw something we didn’t like, how would we know what we do like? (Without dull, how can you know glossy?)
Secondly, do you really, really want a life with no challenges? Granted, sometimes I could use less of them; but without the obstacles, there would be no opportunity for growth, and achievement, and a feeling of accomplishment. (And that’s the best feeling, isn’t it?)
So, contrast gives us the opportunity to decide what we prefer, by showing us both things we like and things we don’t. And then, it gives us the opportunity to “make lemonade” from the ones we don’t prefer.
Sounds like a win-win, when it’s put that way, right?
Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way when we’re in the midst of it, though.
So how do you deal quickly and effectively with the contrast you’d like to un-choose?
Stop back by tomorrow for some strategies I use, and, in the meantime, give some thought to the contrast that’s in your life…and see if some of it is “lemonade ingredients.”
Just Imagine That!
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