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Posts Tagged Perspective
On Tuesday we talked about substituting “I want…” with “I prefer…” and how that can change the energy around how you feel about what you’d like to have.
And that’s really good for your internal conversations, and in many other applications. In daily practice, though, sometimes it can be a bit awkward for conversations with others. Not everyone will immediately understand your meaning when you put it that way.
For example, if you see a new car that you’d like to have, and you say to your friend, “I prefer that one.” Sounds just a bit strange from the outside, doesn’t it?
So what do we do, go back to “I want that one?”
Well, I’d prefer not to, because it seems to keep me in a place of wanting - and what I’m telling myself is that I don’t have it - I’m lacking something.
So, here’s another substitute that works in conversation, without the negative side:
“I’d love to have that.”
Go ahead, let that sink in for a moment.
Think about something you “want”, and say, “I’d love that.” “I’d love to go to the beach this summer.” “I’d love to be driving that car.”
Now, here’s a bonus feature that comes standard with this substitution: You can also use it when you’re asking someone else for something…
Think about the difference between: “I want you to help me” ~ and ~ “I’d love it if you helped me.”
Hmmm.
Feels better to me, and to the other person. Try it for a day, and see what you think. Could change any number of things, for you and those you talk to.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Awareness Exercise, Perspective, Relationship
How many times a day do you suppose you say “I want (something)?”
Looking into a future time and imagining that we have something different than we have now is something we do almost without thought. It’s very much ingrained in our training, and in our culture. (How would advertisers ever sell anything if they didn’t convince us to want something we don’t already have?)
We all know the pitfall of that line of thinking, and yet, it’s very difficult to get away from.
I mean, really, look at all the cool stuff that’s out there ~ all the stuff that makes our lives easier, or makes us feel better…I could write a book about that - but that’s really off the point.
The point is - what you say day in and day out, you hear ~ and ultimately believe.
So, when you say “I want…”, you hear “I don’t have…”
That’s why most of the affirmation gurus all tell us to stop saying “I want…”, and start saying “I have…”.
Good advice. Here’s the thing, though. When I say I have something that clearly I don’t, my internal editor jumps up before I can move on, and says, “No, you don’t!” I suppose if I did this often enough, for a long enough time, I could convince myself it was true ~ maybe. I’m pretty practical, though, and “faking it until I make it” really takes a lot of effort for me.
And, another thing: if someone else is listening when I say I have it - well, we don’t want to go there 
SO…
I found a solution ~ ~ a way to stop saying “I want…” without lying to myself (and without getting those funny looks.)
I simply substitute, “I prefer…”
Let that sink in for a moment. Think of something that you don’t have yet, and say it… “I prefer a new . . .”
Doesn’t that feel better? There’s no lack there. In fact, the message I get from it is, “I’m ok with what I have. I’d prefer something else, if anyone’s listening.”
Certainly does change my perspective! How about you?
What do you prefer? Give it a try, and Just Imagine That!
Tags: Awareness, Perspective, Preference
Everything in life – and business – is ultimately about relationships. We have lots and lots of them, some close, some distant, some strong, some tentative, etc, etc.
It’s therefore a huge subject, and not one to be fully explored in a few blogs. I came face to face with an experience last week that made me think of relationship as it relates to building a business. And this brought me to some very interesting observations.
First, a quick summary of the event that spurred this train of thought:
I was invited to join another social networking site by a friend. I get these often, and have made it a practice to focus my efforts on only a few networks, so to get the most from them, without spending my whole day in the process.
For some reason, and a bit reluctantly, I accepted this particular invitation. I signed up. Easy, simple process. So far, so good. The moment I arrived at the front page of the site, I was immediately asked to upgrade…and recommend everyone I know. (They talked about inviting hundreds of people.)
Now, I don’t recommend things I don’t find useful myself, so I started looking around the site, adding some information, seeing what they offer, etc.
Every page I visited shouted at me: UPGRADE!! INVITE PEOPLE!! And, without much searching I discovered that these two things are necessary to access the functions of the site I might be interested in.
After leaving the site (and not planning to return), I started thinking about why I decided in very short order that this is not for me.
Over the course of the next few days, it took me a bit of searching to figure out was behind my negative reaction, and what I could learn from that. (And one of the reasons it kept coming up was the 10 or so emails I received from this site every day!)
I won’t bore you with my process (sometimes I “percolate” things for a long time before the coffee is ready to drink) – just the realizations that came from it:
This company is attempting to create a business relationship with me – they want me to be a client.
Before I enter into a new relationship, I evaluate my new partner:
- What do they have to offer that I value?
- What do they want in return?
- Is it a fair exchange (are the two values roughly equal)?
- Do they seem truly intent on providing value for me, or is it just about them?
This last question is where this new potential relationship fell down. Almost all of their communications center around what I can do for them.
OK, I understand business models, and totally appreciate that the owners of this site are not doing it just for fun. I have to wonder, though, if this is the best way to court a new relationship partner.
All of this led me to a deeper understanding of business relationships – how to start them, how to build them, how to make them strong…and we’ll explore those areas this week in our blog.
Tune in each day this week for some insights and creative ideas you may be able to use.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Imagination, Perspective, Possibility, Relationship
When faced with making a decision, there are usually three choices we think we have: YES. NO. MAYBE.
Oddly, YES and NO have a lot in common. Both are definitive and indicate the decision-making process is over. YES opens a door, while NO closes one. Either way, you have eliminated possibilities and made a decision. No need for creativity or imagination…the decision has been made.
MAYBE is a bit more open to possibility. Unless you are just using it to be polite, MAYBE usually means you are still sorting out the pros and cons of one thing compared to another. Yet, ultimately the decision you feel you need to make is YES or NO. When the choice is finally made, your creativity and imagination are no longer needed for this particular issue.
But what if there is another choice you can make that actually creates possibilities? What if there is another answer that doesn’t force you to decide in favor of one thing and against another? What if there is a choice that supports creative thinking?
Is that even possible?
Yes, it is.
And that choice option is ……AND and BOTH.
What? That doesn’t sound like a choice!
Hold on a minute and let me give you an example of what using AND and BOTH as a choice looks like.
Fifteen years after I graduated from college, I decided I wanted to get a Masters Degree. At the time, I was single, 10 years into a career and 100% responsible for my livelihood. When I applied to graduate school, I was advised that I would not be able to meet some of the time requirements of the program unless I quit my job.
I really wanted that degree, and I did not want to give up my career/job and tube my finances in order to get it. My choices seemed to be to choose my career or go for the degree. Neither solution appealed to me.
I was stuck there until I chose AND and BOTH. When I did, I figured out a way to keep my job, career and finances intact AND also get my degree!
Putting my creativity and imagination to work, I opened up the possibility, and found a way to do it. When I graduated, I was still employed with the same company and in good shape financially. All because I was willing to make my decision AND and BOTH.
So, are you willing to give AND and BOTH a try? Here we go…
Think of decision you want to make but you have not yet been able to come up with a clear YES or NO. (Hint: Take a look at your MAYBE list and pick something that has been on it for a while.)
Now, summarize the issue into its two opposing options (i.e. I can do this or I can do that.)
Read over the issue and the two choices and then say, “How about AND and BOTH?”
Then let your imagination go to work, and see if you can come up with a possible solution you haven’t thought of before.
You just may be able to have your cake…and eat it, too!
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Perspective, Possibility, Possibility Exercise
So…how did it go yesterday? How many times did you automatically reach for the object you chose, expecting to find it in its old location? (For those of you who are going HUH?…please read over yesterday’s blog.) Have you already moved it back to where it was originally and re-assigned it to its old function? How many times did you notice or think about the object when it was in its new place and doing its new job? How did you feel about having something “misplaced” in your immediate environment? Did you find out that the new location and function worked for you? What else did you experience?
Why am I asking so many questions?
Because the way you responded to this small change will give us some clues about how you respond to change. What you choose and how you respond to change have a direct relationship. And being willing to try new things is tied to creativity and possibility.
How so? We humans, for the most part, are creatures of habit. Once we decide what something is, we remove our attention from it and let it be. This allows us to be organized and efficient and, well, predictable.
But, let’s look at this from another angle. Every time we decide something is a coffee cup, we also decide what it is not (i.e. a plant holder) When we get into habitual patterns of thinking (about things, people, events, etc.), we often decide what they are without really taking a look at them…sort of like deciding on autopilot. We also call this deciding by default.
When you make a decision by default, you are still making a decision.< It’s just that you are unconsciously making the same decision – over and over again out of habit - rather than choosing consciously.
When you decide by default, you are making a decision based on history – what worked, what got you what you wanted, what was most comfortable at that time. When you make a conscious decision, you are taking into consideration your history and what feels right and best and possible for you right now.
As you go through your day today, when you are faced with decisions, check in with yourself to see if you are deciding by default or deciding based on who you are now and what you want now. Just by being aware that you are making choices and that you have choice, you will become more conscious of your decisions. Cool. Huh?
How we make decisions is just as important as the decisions we make..because how we make decisions creates or eliminates possibilities.
Just Imagine That!
“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
- Tuli Kupferberg
Tags: Perspective, Possibility
Remember last week when we were talking about observing what is around you without classifying it, naming it or describing it as relative to other things? Did you see things about common objects that you hadn’t seen before? Are you willing to take this concept one step further?
OK. Here we go…
Imagine you pick up a round object that you can hold in your hand. It has some depth to it, it is made of a solid material and it has an opening into which you can put something. Now, if it is Monday morning and you are getting ready for work, you may put coffee in it. Thus it becomes a coffee cup.
Now, think about the same object, except that you pick it up on a beautiful spring Saturday morning. You have gardening on your mind and you take this object outside, fill it with rich dirt and plant seeds in it. It has now become a plant container.
Same object. Two different uses. What makes it what it is?
YOU! You get to call it! The same object can be lots of things. It becomes what it is because YOU decide what it is. You choose what something is according to your perspective, frame of mind, experiences and current priorities.
So, if that is true of the round object, I wonder how many other things are what they are because we choose them to be that? (One guess…..)
Everything. That’s right. Everything. You have the power of choice about everything. How you will use it. Whether it is “good” or “bad.” Whether it is an opportunity or a hindrance. Whether you feel you have to do something or want to do it. Whether it is a coffee cup or a plant container.
So, are you ready to give your power to choose a try? Let’s start with something small…
Pick something that is near you right now – on your desk, in the same room, etc – that you have been using for some specific purpose for a long enough time so that it has become almost unnoticeable to you. It is just there, doing what it has been doing for a while. (Hint: Even if something is decorative, it is still being used as a decoration.)
Now, use it for something else. (Don’t worry - - you can switch it back if you want to…just give this a try.) Dump out what is in it. Clean it out. Unhook it. Move it from where it is to another place. Find something else you can to do with it…. and leave it there, doing its new “thing”… until tomorrow…
What! An overnight assignment?
Well, sure! Why not? There are some important things you can learn by seeing how you react to changing what you think something is and how you use it.
Today, pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions about the switch, and you may find out something you didn’t know before….
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Perspective, Preference
“Our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made.” - Wayne Dyer
Without going far down the path of “I wonder what would have happened if I’d done (x) instead of (y) — you know this is true. Where and what you are today is because of choices you made in the past.
Granted, some of them may not have felt like choices. Some situations may have seemed like there was only one choice - because of your obligations, or someone else’s expectations.
And at some point you’ve probably said, “I don’t have a choice.” Especially when talking about something you have to do, but don’t really want to.
Can we take just a minute to look one of those scenarios…one where you felt you had no choice?
Is that really true?
Or, is it more accurate to say that you had to make the choice you did in order to get the outcome you wanted?
For example, I had to do laundry today. (I don’t like to do laundry!) So, did I really have to? (Is that true?) Not really. I could have chosen not to. I did laundry, because I wanted clean clothes. So, even though it seemed like a “have to”, it was really a choice I made.
I know this is a somewhat silly example, but it does make the point. We do what we do for specific reasons - not because we have no choice.
How about a little exercise in changing our perspective on what we “have to do” on a daily basis?
Take a piece of paper and write “I HAVE TO…” and list 5 things you have to do this week - and make them things that you don’t particular enjoy. (Go to the dentist, get an oil change, pay bills, etc)
Underneath that, create another heading: “I WANT TO…” and copy the same list, leaving a space after each item. In that space, write down “because…” and list your reasons for doing each of them. (I want clean teeth, I want my car to keep running well, etc.)
Hmmm…does that feel a little better?
One more step: Under that, write “I CHOOSE TO…” and copy your same list (with or without the reasons.)
Got it? You’re making choices - and you have reasons.
HINT: look at your reasons for doing things, and see if they are strong. If not, maybe you can make a different choice without dire consequences.
Just Imagine That!
Tags: Perspective, Preference
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